Male vs. female process of choosing an outfit

I’ve been writing a lot of serious blog posts lately, so it’s time for me to switch gears and talk about fashion.

Today, I’m going to explain the process that occurs on a regular basis in our house when my husband is choosing an outfit for an important event vs. when I’m choosing an outfit for an important event.

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Husband:

Five minutes before it’s time to leave for important event. Puts on blue pants with blue plaid shirt. (I only had photos of the jeans with light blue polo, but you get the idea.)

“Should I wear brown shoes or black shoes with this?”

 

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Me:

The day before the important event. Stares into closet.

I need something cute, but it can’t be too cute. I don’t want to look cutesy.

 

It needs to be stylish, but I don’t want to look trendy. I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.

 

It needs to look young, but I don’t want to look too young. I also don’t want to look too old.

 

I want to look smart. But not too smart. And it has to be sophisticated, but not too stuffy.

 

Umm…. I mean it needs to look strong. But I definitely can’t look too strong. Bold, but still blends in?

 

Oh, and I need pants that will work with the right shoes. They need to make me look tall, but they can’t be too uncomfortable. I might have to be on my feet for a while. Boots might work? Tall boots or short boots? Or open toes with a closed back? Maybe closed toes with an open back? Perforated bootie since it’s sort of spring but still freezing outside? 

 

Wait… do I have a necklace that goes with that? Or should I do a scarf? 

 

An hour later, settles on outfit.

 

Next morning, it’s time to get dressed.

 

Oh my gosh. This color totally does not reflect my mood. I would send off the completely wrong vibe in this color. It’s too strong. Or maybe it’s too weak. It looks like I’m depressed. Or maybe too cheerful. I need to look more serious. (But still friendly.)

 

Tries on three more outfits and finally finds the perfect one.

 

Asks husband:

Does this make me look fat at all?  (WAIT! Do NOT answer that.)

Are you sure I don’t look too thin? Do I look either too fat or too thin? DON’T ANSWER! THERE IS NO GOOD ANSWER!

 

I think I need to just start over.

 

Stares into closet. Let’s see… I need something cute…

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PS… I should also mention that once we are AT the important event, he will either have someone stalk him because they think he’s a celebrity… choices would include Steve Jobs, Billy Bob Thornton or some famous guy from a cooking show… OR, some guy will come up to him and say, “My wife said she thought she recognized that guy with the beautiful bald head.” (NOT kidding.)

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